A Not So Turkish Life

Knowing You

My sweetest T,

Strange though it may sound starkly written, for the first few weeks you were home I waited, almost longingly for your cry. I couldn’t help worry your placid nature was a result of having learnt how to be so, of being alone in NICU without me nearby to answer your cries so that you’d stopped asking anymore, didn’t know I was here now. But time has flown on and I see now this was your unique way. I see as I watch smiles fill your face that the silence you choose to keep lets you soak up the world as you wait and the guilt that then filled me – at leaving you behind to come home without you, for not having moved you to a NICU where we could sit by your side – the guilt I felt for not knowing you until then a week and more late has ebbed away watching you, with every smile grown weaker and dulled. Watching you now in this silent contentment as the shadows of our home dance overhead, I can be thankful for the smallness of the NICU. Your stillness is chosen, not learned and in your stillness I’m learning to rest.

While Baba took M for a few minutes, I indulged in a first coffee date with you. Happy Dating, Baby T; there’s many more to come inshallah

This entry was published on 09/24/2012 at 20:18. It’s filed under Baby 'n' Me, From Me to You, Photos and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Knowing You

  1. Hi there, little one. Welcome to the world. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: