Well-meaning people will tell you to sleep when the babies are sleeping, eat when they’re nursing, to shower with them etc but if you consider that as a Mum to a newborn it’s highly likely you’re peeing with them too, for sanity’s sake, when baby – or babies – are sleeping the last thing you may need is sleep.
Much as an extra hour’s shut eye would be welcome, mostly I need to sip tea and savour a sandwich, catch up on the news or just read a book..anything that is not for the baby but just about me. For so long now, that time for just me has been mostly spent here, typing out nothings and everythings, so now, while M sleeps and T nurses in the ring sling, while the pot noodle cools (yeah, yeah, I know…) and tea brews in the pot, I sit here and type without thinking.
Today though, like so many others recently, there’s too much to say, too many thoughts to compress. I could type about our return to cloth nappies that’s only half working out as it should, I could share how tandem nursing makes me simultaneously want to keep both tiny forever and swap my bras for unlockable padlocks. Pages could be filled over with the heart stopping moments of beauty in our days when seeing M and T bonding erases all the stress of the minute before, or likewise could be filled with the stresses from that minute or hour before when I think the screaming will never stop or the flat will never be tidy again. I could write down how we’re longing for a garden and pondering a move, or how the contemplation of another move makes me long for a UK move with a pang never felt before in missing my family, or how days like yesterday make those pangs go away. I could recall anecdotes from our first month as a four when Ramadan & a newborn made time a relative concept and hours mere blurs of emotions; or how Cookie Dough Ben & Jerry’s plus coffee are all the signs I need that God (and my hubby) love me. Picnics and tricycles and tantrums and smiles and laughter and ice-cubes and firsts of everything should be locked on these pages, new recipes should be recorded, outings related but instead, though my heart brings me here, I don’t really want to type at all.