When we met, were talking family and our values, what’s important, we both talked of our hatred of care homes. Yes, they surely serve a place, and having had in the all too recent past help decide on a home for my Grandad to spend his last months -which we’d prayed would be years- I know there are many benefits, too. But still I dislike them, still wish, a year and a half since his death, that he had accepted our offer to come here, they had accepted the offer, rather than choosing to be there by themselves. So now, when it’s not grandparents but parents, there’s no difference in our thinking, no choices in our mind. Yet so many things come with that, so many changes will be made. And so many implications… for our children, as for us. I’m not concerned about money, or a house, or the practicalities of feeding more mouths, that we can manage, trust in Allah swt to provide; I’m concerned with the extras, the things you can’t see at first. The loss of bilingualism to a one-language home, the loss of the privacy and snatched child-free time for us, but most of all, selfishly, the loss of many dreams, dreams we’d hoped to soon stop dreaming. Like a honeymoon some three years past. Or a weekend with no cell-phone. Small dreams. Big implications. Dreams change, life changes. There is nothing in this world thrown at us we can’t handle, nothing that comes without Gods’ hand. What will be, is meant to be so: What needs be, we’ll strive to make so. Inshallah. But change is a coming and fast.
And with change I start to ponder, question life, question me. And I’m fearful of our future when it’s us in need of help. My husband’s age surpasses mine by more than a decade, his nationality predicts a shorter lived life. I can’t imagine a future without him, less still one in which I’m reliant on my son for it all. So this change that’s a coming, is all well and good, and we’ll make the best of it, but how to balance the two things, to protect our sons against our aging, financially if nothing else, and care for those already aged?
Change is coming and faster than this. In a few months God willing we will meet our second son, expand our hearts further and cuddle him home. We will soon be so busy with M and his brother, there’ll be no time for thinking..and then one day it will come. Not suddenly, from nowhere, but will have crept up unbidden. And the axis will tip slightly, our home it will tilt. Change is coming and fast.