My son turns one only a matter a days and I find this so hard to imagine. The past year has been a blur of smiles and laughter and wonderment and thankfulness and sleeplessness and grouchiness and teething and nappies and awe and more love than I could ever have imagined and as surreal as typing “my son’s turning one” is, I know exactly where the past year has gone.
This year has changed our life, tipped our world upside down in the most magical way and just as the shift in seasons shape the months, M’s ever shifting gaze is shaping me, is changing me.
A year ago, I had no idea what it meant to be a parent, what it was to be a Mum. I was a newly wed who wanted to expound on that love. We wanted a baby, to create our own family that was more than just two because two is a pair, but three is much more. We knew life would change, knew our world would tilt a little somehow; we had no idea we would change so much with it, grow so much through it.
Last week as I sat feeding M – I am so thankful alhamduillah to still be nursing my child! – as we sat cuddled up on the couch, Baby in Bump started to move. And as he moved, M grinned. Like he knew what was happening, as though communicating with his brother. Impossible that, right? Coincidence, surely? It was beautiful. Breathtaking. And just one of the innumerable moments this year when my child, now my children, have tilted my life, have tilted my heart, by default shifted me.
Somehow this year through the nappies and the teething, through exploration and its mishaps, through bathtime bubbles and mealtime messes, I have morphed into a Mum. And that Mum is nothing like the one twelve months ago I’d have thought I’d become, is barely recognisable next to the pictures of me, but the Mum that M’s made me, that they’re both helping shape is the Mum who’s untilted in this topsy-turvy land.
My child will turn one. Soon after, our second son will be born. And we’ll keep changing, all four. I’ll keep shifting through seasons and tilting with winds but somehow I know, this first year with M has laid the groundwork for the ride of my life and I’m so happy he is steering the wheel.
Seasons change, babyone, weather wears us and guides us and lifts us up high. You keep us all up there when the winds settle down – Baba and I adore you, my darling, you’re the sun in our sky and when Baby in Bump comes, we’ll adore him the same, the other side to our moon.