A Not So Turkish Life

Learning how to love

One of the most rewarding aspects of blogging, aside from creating a memory board of my family’s little world, is through blogging, you meet others bloggers. (Yes, “meet”. There’s no other domain where you’d know a person more truly in five minutes of knowing them on their blog, in their world.) There have been times when I’ve wondered about putting a structure to this blog, more so than there is; having a schedule for category posts, a day per subject kind of thing. Every time I ponder such thoughts, I banish them again – I don’t want/need/desire a regime to this space..I want it to reflect me as I am on that day. Yet still, there are a couple of blog-hop link-ups that I try to keep up with, now and again, because I like meeting others who are drawn to the same things. Often you find, even if you don’t pop back to their blog until the next time you see a new link-up, that you connect online somewhere and as an expat-Mum, online connections can be vital sometimes.

One of the link-ups I’m enjoying the most in recent weeks is SOCS – Stream of Concsious Sunday, run by Fadra. I’m drawn to it because it’s writing without thinking, about anything you want, just letting thoughts go. It’s verbal diarrhea of the virtual kind, but because five minutes is all the time you’ve got, there’s little risk of saying anything to get you into too much trouble with it either!

Another Mum who linked up this week, made me think with her post. She wrote about the joy being a Mum brings, how the love takes you by surprise. And she wrote how the love for your baby is a different kind of love, how it’s a different form of love than she’d ever given out before.
You know sometimes someone elses words are so relevant to your now that they pull you up short?

Being a Mum, being M’s Mum, is the most daunting, unnerving, unravelling task I have ever undertaken. And I know were we to do it again with another baby, I’d feel exactly the same again. Because being a Mum isn’t about playing a role, fulfilling a specific need or giving a stat response; being a Mum is about giving up you. All of you. The good and the bad. Your baby wants you to, needs you to give you to them ’til you have nothing left. He needs the good and the bad so you see the good and the bad. He needs your unconditional, unguarded, unsheltered love. He needs you stripped bare.

Even with G, the only man whom I have ever envisioned having children with, or spending my whole life with, even with him, I’ve never given a love that’s so pure. Never let my guard down so low that a toothpick could pierce it. Not even with him.

I’ve only just realised that, now. Well, when I read Misty’s post. And that’s the aspect of blogging that I love – that it makes me rethink, opens my eyes to myself. it doesn’t matter if it’s through my own words, or through words of a stranger; blogging – the whole act of engaging in blogs – teaches me new things about me. And shows me the things I need to work on, too.

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This entry was published on 11/21/2011 at 15:42. It’s filed under Externalise and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “Learning how to love

  1. Misty on said:

    I love this! Thanks so much for reading my SOC blog and for posting this. I’m so glad you enjoyed what I had to say.

    It’s so weird that life can change so much in so short a time in response to such a little person, isn’t it? But they are good changes, even if some of them are hard!

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