A Not So Turkish Life

Dear so and so,

Dear British Embassy in Düsseldorf,

I don’t live in Germany and am rather at a loss as to why it is with you I must communicate rather than my local embassy here. That said, with you I must converse, so here we are. I don’t reside in the UK – that much I’d hope you’d guessed. I’m what you deem as “outside the country”. I’m not sure if you’re aware of the geographical location of “outside the country”, when country refers to the UK, nevertheless, let me enlighten you as to the primary inhabitants of said country “outside the country” – those citizens will be predominantly non-British. This may make your requirement to find a British passport holder to sign the back of a passport photo of a 4 1/2 month old rather tricky. I’m also not sure if you’re aware that this requirement of a likeness guarantor is also rather pointless, seeing as by the time you receive said photograph it is highly probable that the babe in question will bear no more than a passing resemblence to the snap you insist is countersigned.

Please forgive the forgery.


A frustrated Brit abroad.


Dear S,

thanks for helping me fake it.



Dear M,

That ridicululously slow moving non-EU citizen line at the airport? Insh’Allah you’ll never have to wait there. Thanks for holding still!

Love, Mummy x


Dear G,

It sucks you’ll have to stand on in that line. Being unable to pass through passport control as a family is going to sting. Just remember, when we start to make it East, our passport envy will be reversed.



Dear Britain,

I’m proud to uphold your heritage, and carry your passport abroad but I really do wish you wouldn’t treat my husband as a terrorist. His only mistake is to have been born a Turk, and if that’s crime worthy, you may as well hang me too.


A loyal ambassador abroad.


Dear So and So...

This entry was published on 08/04/2011 at 05:10. It’s filed under Externalise and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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