My Mum left today. She’s been here since my 17day old son was only 72 hours into this adventure called life.
I hadn’t been sure I wanted her to come; wasn’t sure she’d be what we would need. Sometimes, what you think you want, is the opposite of what you need; and inevitably, what you need ends up being exactly what you want.
Labour was something I thought I could plan. Like most women, caught up in the magic of birthing plans for drug-free hypno water births, I forgot that giving birth is just like getting pregnant initially; one of a handlful of things we simply cannot control. No amount of planning, no amount of preparation, no amount of money spent on medical care can ensure labour goes as we’d wish.
Throughout my pregnancy, the one thing I’d begged my obstetrician for was a natural birth and though she laughed at my optimism of managing without pain meds, she was supportive of a baby-induced labour using only a pilates ball and heavy breathing as pain management. Even as our due date approached and past, even when the doctor began to tentatively mention chemical induction, even when the drip was attached to my arm and the serrum was being injected, so convinced were we that despite the induction a natural birth was on the horizon that at 6cm dilated I had not read a single word about post c-section recovery.
27 years ago, my Mum nearly died giving birth to me and I nearly went with her. 17 days ago history flashed before my eyes and in a split second turned me into the Mum my Mum has always been, whether I’ve acknowledged it or not; one who’d do everything, give everything to see her baby live and thrive. At 12.40pm, March 16th, numb from the waist down and tied to a table, I experienced my dream birth; my healthy baby born entered the world. His birth wasn’t one iota as we’d planned..went against everything I believed in..but as I look down on him right now, tucked up tight, dreaming in his sleep… It wasn’t what I wanted, it was what he needed and that’s exactly what I want.
Thanks Mum, for sharing my baby’s first days with us. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world x