A Not So Turkish Life

Saying Goodbye to Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? I never really bought that, did you? How could someone else find me beautiful if I couldn’t see it myself. £50 on a haircut, new shoes and a dress hugging the figure I micro-managed calories to keep. It’s what’s inside that counts, says the magazine; you need to be thinner screams the paper. Hair too short, nose too big, eyes should be greena nd not brown. Grow the hair, contact-lense up the eyes and pull down that top, just a little bit further. Boobs, heels, shoulder whipping waves, leave a lingering scent as you walk by. At home tears. ” hour nightmares tryign to simply get dressed. Smile, don’t forget to use those lashes..the woman said the mascara gives telescopic laughing eyes. Hahahaha. This? Thanks, but really, just something I threw on. Calves tight, breathe in. No thank you, I just ate.

Stop. Eat. Keep it down.

Enough.

Enough with the self hatred the self loathing for your looks.

Enough of chasing the person you’re told that you could be if only you do this, drink this, buy this, try this.

Stop with the cloning of yourself with no soul.

Enough with dressing for people you don’t know. Enough of fretting what they think of your choice.

Stop. Breathe.

Be.

Who do you want to be? Me. Who do want your eyes to see? Her.

I read another woman’s beautiful prose earlier this week, she said “Islam had made her a swan”, I like those words, I felt those words but it’s more than that too: Wearing hijab took away the beholders, stripped my defences, left me whole, in heels, with prettier eyes.

Our beauty is ours to behold.

———————

(Thanks for the prompt, Fadra)

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

#SOCsunday

This entry was published on 02/05/2012 at 14:09. It’s filed under Life and Faith, Stream of Conciousness and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

5 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye to Beauty

  1. I never ever once thought of the freedom that a hijab could give you. You’ve given me an entirely new perspective.

  2. Unfortunately, society has had a major impact on us (women and men) and what we see in the mirror and how we interpret what we see.

  3. Beautiful! I fight every day with this. I try to just be and one day I will succeed but the next I will look in the mirror with “mean eyes” that see nothing but things I need to change.

    • I still have those days too, though now, thankfully, they’re infrequent rather than the norm. Let’s hope one day we all can win the fight.

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